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Padfoot369
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Name: Katrayl
Birthday: 3/6/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: When was the start of all this?
When did the cogs of fate begin to turn?
Perhaps it is impossible to grasp that answer now,
From deep within the flow of time.
But for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much.
We hurt others, and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  padfoot369
AIM:  Splash lil Devil
AIM:  Splash lil Angel
Member Since:
7/8/2004
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| - Be Yourself Look, it's not a matter of how it GRIPS it, a 10oz bird cannot carry a 1lb coconut.
Things are working out perfectly. I realize that in one moment it could all change, but I've also come to terms with that. Life is a series of experiences; ups and downs. I can live with that, because I've learned from all of it. I'm content with everything. It's a struggle, but it seems that anything worthwhile is. I'm ready to face the world as a challenge instead of an unwinnable game. The way you win is to keep going, don't let it push you down. Things all work out in the end.
Fish Out of Water
NO! You lose the game. I'm back in Florida and I COULDN'T be happier about it. I love it here. I can't believe how much I missed the smells, the temperature, the RAIN. I finally have my own place, sort of. I have a roommate, but I can hardly count that because it's more like spending the night with a friend for months on end. It is such a relief as well. I mean, it could probably get worrisome to keep track of all bills and such, but it's nice to have that responsibility for once. Maybe the bills just don't phase me because I'm glad to be home. Home. I felt so out of place in Texas, it was like I was on an awkward 8 month vacation where I had to work, but never really belonged.
Don't Lick the Porcupine
I should have a nice job soon, and also a car. My mom found a decent one for me. It is a nice 20th birthday present. (Yeah, I turned 20 on the 6th :9) It will help me get around to make the monies. :D The monies are good to have. I love living in a gamer house, combined, we own almost every game system ever. Well, other than that information, I'm kind of stuck in limbo until I get my job. I'm just enjoying the days that pass through me as they come. On the brightside, it's finally given me drawing time. :)
So, I'll leave you with this song. Different experiences, different reactions. It keeps getting stuck in my head. For some reason I keep playing some sort of MV with Vaschel and Kat in my head that involved that song. Hmm, I wish I could make the MV, but that is kind of hard to do with OC and I just don't have that time to spare. I have some outside to live in!
AUDIOSLAVE - Be Yourself
Someone falls to pieces
Sleeping all alone
Someone kills the pain
Spinning in the silence
To finally drift away
Someone gets excited
In a chapel yard
Catches a bouquet
Another lays a dozen
White roses on a grave
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
Someone finds salvation in everyone
And another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself
Down inside himself he prays
Someone swears his true love
Until the end of time
Another runs away
Separate or united?
Healthy or insane?
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
And even when you've paid enough, been pulled apart, or been held up
With every single memory of the good or bad, faces of luck
Don't lose any sleep tonight, I'm sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose
But to be yourself is all that you can do
To be yourself is all that you can do
PEACE OUT
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| I needed a ranting spot. Funny how I always come back here, no matter what.There has been much to think about and so much I have learned. I have been thinking about Natasha a whole lot lately. I wonder how she is doing. I hope she is happy with what she chose. I know that in the end her choice helped me to find happiness even if she almost destroyed me to do it. Well, I can't really say that. I became stronger from the situation. I can't shake her from my mind lately though. It doesn't give me the same sad and abandoned feeling that it used to give. I'm still very curious about everything. SRP is going through so much that I already went through after losing her. I want to tell her it will be alright, but I know she won't listen. I wouldn't have if someone had told me those things before. SRP wants answers so badly, but they are answers she will never find. I never found them anyhow.
You know... I miss her. I miss the laughing and the jokes. I miss it all so very much. She was dear to my heart... I wish I had been dear to hers. Today feels like those days when I would go over to her house and hang out. The air just smells the same, the music sounds the same. She has been long gone, but I will never forget. I won't forget her teaching me how to draw the way she did, I won't forget the long nights of staying up and taking turns writing stories. I won't forget the way we met.. and most importantly, I won't forget the way she threw it all away. I suppose it is better to have experienced such a strong friendship and to have lost it than to have never had it at all. For a long time I felt like losing her left a big hole in me, but it didn't. The space she left just filled with memories for me to learn from and smile remembering. I only regret not being able to tell her all that I have learned.
That is the only thing that still feels empty. I want her to know that I have accepted what she chose. I don't hate her for it. I want her to know that she will always be my sister and that if she ever needed me I would still always be there.
I had a dream about meeting her again, not the one where she is a big cooperate woman, but an earlier dream. I dreamt that I got to introduce her to my lover. It was at our wedding. I know it will never happen, he will never propose to me. The dream was very pleasant though. She was happy for me and it made me smile. It was a beautiful wedding. I want her to meet the man she helped me to meet by leaving. I want her to see how I love him.
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| Oh how time has flown by.
It's been over a year since I have come to visit and I am sure so much has happened. I'm also sure that so little people actually pay attention anyhow. I suppose that leaves me to express my feelings openly, since I dislike the idea of private posts it's always good to know that no one is listening to my mindless rambling. I have a feeling that so much has happened, though my ability to recall it is somewhat unstable. Why don't I just begin, it should all flow from there.
The Dreaded Five Letter Word.
Legal. I am legal. I turned 18 last March. Things have been a world of change in those few months I have spent in this age, but a year is only twelve months so just a few months is still a lot. It used to be a lot, anyhow. I got a letter announcing I was emancipated, oh the whole thing made me sick to my stomach. I am still a child at heart, what a cruel world to just set 18 as a universal age to be all grown up. I had so much to do, from every direction there were people pushing and pulling me. "You need to decide what you want in life, you're an adult now. If you don't know you will never be someone." And I didn't know. I didn't know and I still don't, but I have learned that is just fine. I still have plenty of time to be me. I'm still taking school classes. I still have a life. I learned not to be threatened by my age. Time means nothing.
The Day the World Stopped Spinning.
.my whole life got turned upside dowN .nothing has ever been quite the same since my lover walked into my lifE .it was all so cute' everything about iT .augusT 15' 2006 .i fell in lovE .now things have been shaky here and therE .it,s not like we are completely perfect peoplE .fights happen in our lives often' possibly more often then they happened in my other relationshipS .i know he is the real thing for me thougH .it,s a feeling that i am unable to denY .i get frustrated with how stubborn he is' but my love for him outlasts even thaT .everything has changeD .someday~~~~ i actually hope to marry hiM
The Colour of My Heart.
The Last big thing that has really happened to affect my life is my love of World of Warcraft. That game is addting... damn addicting. I spend a lot of free time, and even some of my borrowed time just playing on imaginary characters. What a life huh? Laugh on it if you want, but I'm having a lot of fun there and what is life without fun? Boring, that's what it is. It may be a waste and I may regret all the time I used up just sitting at a computer desk and not doing anything real, but it's my life to abuse, is it not?
Fading out.
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| And now, what it's really all about.
So I have a Deviant Art journal. It is updated 4935734895738 more times than here, but here probably has more truths.
I feel really bad. A lot is bothering me. I'm turning 17... I'm almost legal... I almost have to face him.. Today is my birthday, at 10:23pm I will make that switch from saying 'I'm 16" to "I'm...8" However I will mean 17. I have had a hard time with this growing up thing. Ever since that first big loss in my life everything has been like a dream. I have met many people I love in this dream, but I want to wake up. This mind numbing pain is killing me. There is nothing I want more than those years that were lost to the flow of time. All those wasted hours of crying... Shouldn't a new year be a splediferificly wonderousable thing?
My self-esteem has been shit lately and I have been starting up with this new school thing. First appointment - today. On-my-birthday. Jake always knows the perfect ways to hurt me... He knows just where to hit to make me double over and crash. I don't remember half a conversation with someone... and I feel weird. It keeps being mentioned.. I don't to know. I don't want...
Music has been my savior. I spend hours at a time fading away from reality and just becoming a part of the melody. Anywhere but here and any time but now. Is it wrong to live in a land inside your mind and seriously consider this world to be the fake one? Who would want to live in a time so wrong? Though there are people I can't abandon and places I just can't leave behind.
Life is But a Dream
A boat, beneath a sunny sky
Lingering onward dreamily
In an evening of July--
Children three that nestle near,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Pleased a simple tale to hear--
Long has paled that sunny sky;
Echoes fade and memories die;
Autumn frosts have slain July.
Still she haunts me, phantomwise,
Alice moving under skies
Never seen by waking eyes.
Children yet, the tale to hear,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Lovingly shall nestle near.
In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die;
Ever drifting down the stream--
Lingering in the golden gleam--
Life, what is it but a dream?
~ Lewis Carroll
So life has been far from that field of perfection.
I'll make due though.
I always have.
So I am on a long road to nowhere... are you with me?
Katryl | | |
| You were so beautiful until you opened your mouth....
Then all those lies and broken promises came flowing out.
Love me like you're faking it.
Just like you used to.
Katryl | | |
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